The Power of Love and Hatred
by constantine's lover
Summary: She knew he was in town. She had learned of it by way of gossip when she was checking on Ashley at the lumber mill. Rhett was home and she had promised herself to make an effort to please him. She thought she had lost him and now that he was finally home,
1. Default Chapter

**She knew he was in town. She had learned of it by way of gossip when she was checking on Ashley at the lumber mill. He was fine, and even his figures weren't that bad. She was beaming with pride at the success he was making and her heart was eased, knowing that he would be financially stable for at least a while. But her happiness was snatched away from her as she overheard the conversation of two women. They were elderly and were dressed in fine clothing. They were southern, she was sure, for no Yankee woman could even try to mimic the type of speech the southerners possessed. They were speaking in hushed tones, insinuating they wished not to be overheard, but this only made Scarlett prick up her ears and move a little closer so that she might be able to share in the juicy gossip in which they were partaking. Suddenly she heard his name. _"I heard that dreadful Rhett Butler is back in town. Heaven knows where he has been these past few months."_**

"_**Well, I have heard from a confidant of mine that Mr. Butler and Mrs. Butler are suffering from marital issues. That could be the explanation for his extended absence."**_

_**At this Scarlett bristled. **Great balls of fire! Does everybody in Atlanta know about my problems? I bet that sissy learned her pricy information from that fat-cat Mrs. Meriwether. That woman never had anything better to do than gossip about other people.** But even those brief thoughts could not dim her newly risen happiness. Rhett was home and she had promised herself to make an effort to please him. She thought she had lost him and now that he was finally home, and had some time to calm down and think, she was going to snare him again and not let him go. **He can be as nasty as he wants, and I'll bet my last dollar that he'll be a skunk, but I am determined to smile and control my temper. I am not going to lose him just because I lack self control. Nobody beats Scarlett O'Hara. **She then raised her chin and corrected her posture for her confidence had been restored. With these new thoughts she politely said good-bye to Ashley, but not without making him promise to come over for dinner sometime soon. He tipped his hat and placed a brotherly kiss on her cheek and with tears in his eyes, which displayed longing for the old days, wished her farewell.**_

_**She then hopped in her carriage and told the driver to hurry home. But as they drove down the street that went through town, she suddenly yelled out the window for him to stop at the store. He did so smoothly and Scarlett alighted. She briskly walked across the street, and this time she didn't even notice the "seemly" ladies that crossed to the other side at her presence. She walked into the store with a smile on her face that could even make the meanest gossip monger feel guilty. Her gaiety was contagious as she bid good-afternoon to the clerk behind the desk. "How'd'ya do, Miss Scarlett," exclaimed Bill. "You're in a mighty fine mood this afternoon."**_

"_**I am, Bill, and thank you for noticing." And then with the utmost southern charm that she used to allure her beaus back at home she added, "I was just driving by when I thought I should drop in and see how things were. I do hope everything's going well." She then smiled, making her dimples dance and her cat-like eyes crinkle in a flirtatious manner.**_

"_**Oh, indeed it is, Miss Scarlett," he stammered. "Sales are up on almost everything and the figures are looking mighty good. You are quite the business woman, Miss Scarlett." He then removed his hat and fingered it nervously while looking at his hands. "It is an honor to be doing work for you. I wouldn't work for none other, even if they offered more than you. I mean, that is-"**_

_**She cut him off before he embarrassed himself further. "That's very nice of you, Bill. Your words go straight to my heart."**_

_**At this he blushed crimson and Scarlett left him stammering behind the desk. **_

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_**Once arriving at home she told Wade and Ella to tidy up for supper, instructing them to be efficient and presentable when the hour came. She then hurried down to the kitchen and told the cook to make something special for dinner and she informed the servants to set an extra plate at the dinner table. **Oh, everything must be perfect. And Rhett will be home soon!** Rushing up the stairs to her chamber, she rang for her maid and told her to fill a bath.**_

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_**An hour later, immaculately groomed and dressed in a comely dress ( Scarlett had remembered Rhett's obvious distaste towards her ostentatious dresses), she sat in the parlor, gazing out the window, and yearning to see his handsome face coming up the walk. She got up and began to pace restlessly. The sun was setting. He should have been home by now. It was his heavy, long tread on the walk that alerted her of his approach. Suddenly her heart was in her throat and her feet seemed planted in the floor. Her palms became instantly sweaty and she began to tremble slightly. **Stop this! Stop this right now! **She rebuked herself. **He is after all just a man and I have charmed many before him. **Ah, but this was not just any man. This was the man she truly loved and yearned for, and he was not like the others. He did not play her games. **_

_**She remembered herself and gracefully walked into the hall just as the front door was opening. She pulled herself up to her full height, clasped her hands before her in a welcoming gesture, and placed a gentle smile upon her face. Her eyes glistened, as she watched him casually take off his coat and sling it over his arm. He had not seen her. **Look at me!** She thought. **I just want to look into his eyes!** As if prompted by her thoughts, his head snapped up and his gaze directly met hers. At first he just stood there and stared at her, but then that mocking smile was on his lips, and his eyes sparkled devilishly. "Hello, Scarlett," he smirked.**_

"_**Hello, Rhett," she returned enchantingly. She moved closer to him and her hand brushed his carefully starched sleeve as she took his coat from him. She then confiscated his hat and gloves and laid them on the table with the utmost care, and then taking his arm cautiously; she looked up at him and gazed into his eyes. "Dinner is ready. Would you care to join me?" **Oh, please don't say something nasty, **she prayed desperately.**_

_**He simply chuckled in that annoying way to himself, and allowed her to lead him to the dinning room. Upon entering it, Wade and Ella jumped to their feet. "Welcome home, Rhett," they said in unison. **_

"_**Hello, children, and how do you find yourselves these days?"**_

"_**Fine, thank you," replied Wade.**_

"_**Very well, Rhett," said Ella softly.**_

_**Rhett then took his seat at the head of the table and Scarlett sat at his right. "I have allowed Ella and Wade to stay up a little late tonight, as it is a special occasion," stated Scarlett, her eyes glittering in the soft candle-light.**_

_**Rhett's eyes cut to her and his right eye-brow rose as if to ask **what's so special about it? _

_**His unspoken accusation almost brought tears of anger to her eyes but she quickly calmed herself. **No,** she thought, **no, he is not going to get the worst of me. I am determined to enjoy his company. He hasn't been rude yet._

"_**Well, that was awful generous of Mother, wasn't it," he drawled, his lips cracking in that dreadful smile, his eyes laughing. **_

_**The servants then arrived bearing trays of food and all was silent. The meal was civil but the conversation was short and clipped. Rhett ate contentedly whereas Scarlett barely ate anything at all. Instead she picked at her food, watching him out of the corner of her eye. **I want to take in his memory so I'll never forget him.** Ella inquired if he had brought her home any presents and he replied that he did. Gifts would be exchanged but not tonight, for it was growing late. They may open their presents in the morning.**_

_**Then it was off to bed for Ella and Wade. Rhett stood next to Scarlett as Ella and Wade ascended the stairs and said their goodnights. Once in their rooms, Rhett turned to stare at Scarlett, taking her in and measuring her. He then turned on his heel and re-entered the dining room. Scarlett knew not else to do but follow him. She saw him take the decanter that was half-full of brandy and fill two tumblers. Turning to her with a glass in each hand he laughed. "You sure have been drinking quite a lot of brandy in my absence."**_

_**His pert remark almost motivated her to retaliate with something equally as rude, but she held her tongue, remembering her promise. Instead she replied with a hint of sadness, "It is lonely without you, Rhett."**_

_**He once again chuckled, sipping at his tumbler. "You were always one to drown your miseries in a glass of brandy."**_

_**For some reason she thought that he hadn't really heard her statement so she walked over to his chair, knelt next to it, and taking his hand said sweetly, "But I have missed you, Rhett. I have missed you terribly."**_

_**Something moved behind his eyes for a few seconds but they then hardened and his mouth relaxed into his sardonic smile that held no pity. "That, my dear, is your misfortune." **_

_**Still she persisted, not willing to be cajoled by his mockery. She tried a different approach. "But this house is so big and even with the servants it feels empty without you."**_

"_**So that's what it comes down to. You want more money to buy yet another house. Haven't you enough property, Scarlett? You practically own half of Atlanta." At this he chuckled and took another sip of his liquor. **_

_**Her face displayed hurt, and he saw it, but she turned away from him, standing quickly and walking away to a dark corner where he couldn't see her face. But even though he could not see her grief, he could see her shoulders visibly shaking with unshed tears.**_

_**In the darkness Scarlett lifted her hand up to her trembling lips and willed them to still. In her time of sadness she surprisingly did not find the want to retaliate and vent her anger, for there was none. All she felt now was amazing emptiness, loneliness, and sadness. **I want to make him love me, again. I did it once, I can do it again.I can't live without him. I just can't! **After she knew she was calmed and the tears had stopped stinging her eyes she turned to find that Rhett was right behind her and she hadn't heard him approach. She was slightly surprised, but she smiled sweetly up at him, her sadness no longer visible but hidden deep beneath the surface. For a few moments he searched her eyes, but once finding nothing, he took her arm. "Let's move into the Study where we might talk." His voice was almost pleasant and there was even the hint of gentleness. Willingly she took hold of his arm and an exciting sensation swept through her at the touch of his powerful arm around hers. Her fingers flexed gently on his arm, feeling the hardened muscle and flesh under his soft jacket. His wonderful smelling cologne intoxicated her, and Scarlett found herself light-headed at his nearness.**_

_**They entered the library and were greeted by a cheerfully blazing fire. Rhett took a seat near it in one of the elegant plush crimson chairs and Scarlett seated herself in the matching one across from his. Her figure was elegant as she sat in the chair and Rhett was slightly intimidated. Something had changed during his absence.**_


	2. A Fire Rekindled

_**The fire crackled loudly and both were silent. Rhett stared blankly and moodily into the fire but Scarlett's eyes never left his form. "I would appreciate it, Scarlett, if your eyes would stop boring holes into my flesh, it's rather uncomfortable."**_

_**As soon as she had learned she had displeased him, she wanted to make amends. "I'm sorry, Rhett. It's just been so long since you've been home and I haven't seen you."**_

"_**Yes, you keep saying that."**_

_**Scarlett sighed in discomfort and despair. She was trying so hard to maintain her patience and cool manner, but it was disheartening when Rhett was making no effort at all to be civil. She felt her temper begin to rise and her inflamed thoughts rang in her head. **I am tired of being nice to him when he's being so nasty. Why should I continue to be pleasant when he insists on being mean. **She opened her mouth to speak her mind but it was then she was reminded of her promise. She wanted him back too badly to say something that might push him away. **No, be strong._

_**She waited in silence, aching for him to say something. Scarlett wanted to say something to him, but she feared his reply and so she waited. "Scarlett," he sighed, "I want to come strait to the point before anymore damage is done. I have come back only to fulfill my promise, which was to keep my visits to Atlanta frequent enough to keep the gossip down. That is what this visit is, no more. I will leave tomorrow morning and return when I feel is appropriate."**_

_**It struck her like a blow, and she was sure her pain was visible on her face, and she worked hard to hide it. She knew from the moment she heard he was in town that that was the reason for his arrival. But she also knew deep in her heart that the only reason he came at all, was because he cared for her. Why else would he feel the need to "protect" her reputation? He had to still love her. She loved him, and now that she knew it, and she was no longer a foolish child chasing after another man's heart, whom she truly didn't love, she wanted him back, and she wasn't just about to let him slip away. **I am Scarlett O'Hara and an Irish woman. I will have my way._

_**She nodded in reply to his statement, her face completely impassive, and her eyes fiercely clear. They were almost frightening to look into, like the eyes of a cat when they seem to be staring into your soul. He met her gaze levelly. "Very well, Rhett," was her late but calm reply. "I thank you for your concern. I hope then, for the remainder of your stay, we will remain civil to one another, for our own benefit."**_

_**He nodded with a polite smile upon his face. "That is very mature of you, Scarlett. I hoped for the same."**_

_**She smiled, but there was sadness in her face, and the corners of her mouth twinge downward but she fought them. Unwanted tears suddenly began to form, but she held her breath, willing them not to spill. She bent her head away from the fire so that a shadow fell on her face and hid the truth. She wanted more than civilities. She wanted him to love her again.**_

_**Rhett saw her sadness and it pained him. Although she tried to hide it, he knew it was there. He could feel it emitting from her like a beacon of light, and it grieved him to his heart. **That is why I leave tomorrow, **he thought. **I will no longer deal with this pain. **He wanted to love her like he used to, but he feared it, because of their past. Every time he put his heart on the line, it ended up being ripped out of his chest and stomped on. He promised himself that it would never happen again. The silence became awkward as deep within him he wanted to reach out and comfort his wife, so he spoke, breaking the spell. "Well, now that that's behind us we can talk casually. How are things at the lumber mill and the store?"**_

_**She sniffed once, dabbing at her nose and blinking her eyes hard. Clearing her throat she replied, "Very well, Rhett, thank you for asking. I am making enough to get by, although the lumber business has been slow here of late."**_

_**He waited for a few seconds to tick by. "You know, Scarlett, that if you ever need any money, mine is always available." His eyes glimmered feeling a twinge of anger as a memory was revived. "That is why you married me after all." As soon as he had spoken those words he regretted it. He saw the sting on her face and cursed himself for not fighting back such words. She was quietly taking his insults and not retaliating as she normally did. This is what made him remorseful.**_

_**Her words were wise. "The past is behind us. So let it remain behind. As Pa would say 'let bygones be bygones.'"**_

"_**I apologize, Scarlett. I seemed to have broken our agreement to be civil." It was sincere and not coated with sarcasm like his usual apologies.**_

"_**Apology accepted."**_

_**Her behavior flustered him. This was not the real Scarlett. Scarlett O'Hara had a high temper with higher spirits. She was full of life and energy, not death and sadness. What was in those drawn lines on her face and hollowed circles beneath her fierce eyes? He disliked what he saw before him because he knew he was the cause for her state. **I can't stay here long. She is not going to drag me down with her.** "Scarlett, what's the matter? Are you ill? There is something different."**_

_**She closed her eyes and went very still for a few moments, then taking a deep breath she stated, "You wouldn't believe me if I told you. You never have."**_

"_**Now Scarlett," he raised his voice, the edgy tone that she knew too well once again entering it, but before he could continue the Study door creaked open and a small mousy brown haired head peeped through the door-way. "Mother," it said in a soft voice. **_

_**Scarlett immediately left her chair and knelt down next to the little figure so that she was eye level with her daughter. Taking her hands she asked, "What is it, darling?"**_

"_**Ella had a bad dream."**_

"_**Oh, you poor dear. Let mother carry you back to bed and tuck you in. Would you like that?"**_

_**The little girl nodded and blinked her eyes sleepily. At this Scarlett scooped her daughter into her arms and disappeared through the door.**_

_**Rhett could not resist following her and he watched her as she carried her daughter up the large staircase to her room. He followed her up the stairs and into Ella's room where he watched his wife carefully and gently tuck in her daughter. The simplicity of the scene made his heart ache as he realized that he was missing something. Scarlett had never done anything like this before. In earlier days she had always referred to her children as a burden or a nuisance. Now the sight of her taking such care and putting so much love into a simple thing such as tucking her daughter into bed was very moving. Was it possible that she had changed?**_

_**Scarlett felt his eyes on her. She knew that he thought the situation odd considering her past, but that was the old Scarlett, the girl that hadn't grown up. Now that Rhett was gone most of the time, she turned to her children for love, knowing that he would never return it. She was trying desperately to leave the past behind her. **That was then, and this is now. Things are going to change.** "Good night, Ella darling. And remember that if you need anything, mother is right down the hall." She smoothed the baby-fine hair on the girl's forehead, and then she carefully knelt over and kissed her daughter on the head. Scarlett moved to the door and shut it with great care so as not to create a disturbance in the quiet night. She moved passed Rhett without so much as a glance. **_

_**As she moved by him, the scent of her person caught in his nose and her soft garments grazed his skin. In that single moment his body cried out to her, yearning for her touch, but he swallowed hard, pushing his feelings back inside of him. He watched her small and delicate figure walk down the hall-way, her beautiful mahogany hair shining in the dim candle-light and swaying as she walked. She stopped outside her door. He was falling for her again.**_

"_**The hour grows late, Rhett, and I have errands to run in the morning so I believe I shall now retire. I had the servants prepare your room. You shall find everything the way it was before you left. I hope you have a pleasant sleep. Good-night." She turned the handle on her door, her eyes staring blankly and glistening with unshed tears. The door opened and she moved to enter, but his hand clamped onto her arm, and he spun her around.**_

_**His gaze was commanding and she found herself paralyzed in his powerful grip and stare. Her breath caught in her throat and she was trembling fiercely. She was afraid.**_

_**He continued to stare at her, his grip not slackening. A battle was raging within him, the battle that urged him to love her, to give into his true feelings; but he was stubborn and fought against his desire. But as he felt her trembling and small form once again next to his own, he found he had no power over his desire for her. Without even contemplating what he was doing, he leaned down quickly and fastened his mouth upon hers.**_

_**She became lost within his passion and her emotions swirled around her, making her dizzy and confused. Heat rose to her face, and she flung her arms around his neck as tears poured from her eyes and mingled with their kiss. His strong arms enveloped her in his embrace and she was lifted off the floor, so strong was his grip. She needed him, she wanted him. He had to come closer, if he didn't she would go crazy. She pushed closer to him as her body seemed to catch fire. The only thought that rang in her head, over and over was: **He loves me! He loves **me**! He tried to tell me otherwise, but he can't deny it anymore than I can. He loves me!_

_**But suddenly her jubilant thoughts were interrupted. "Scarlett," was his gruff whisper. "Scarlett, stop."**_

_**But she wouldn't, and he had to shove her away. Tear tracks were on her yearning face and she gripped the door-knob for support for she knew her weak knees would no longer support her. Rhett took a step back and took a deep breath. "Scarlett," he began, his voice unsteady, "I apologize. I didn't mean to impose upon you so. It has been a long day for me and my action was merely the affect of my fatigue. It shall not happen again. Good night." He then turned and left her, entering his room and shutting the door firmly behind him. **_

_**Once he had left her, she broke down into tears. Through the blur she managed to enter her room and slam the door. She then ran to the bed and fell upon it, weeping miserably.**_


	3. Decisions

_**Late that night, Rhett quietly entered Scarlett's room. As the warm light of the hall fell on her face, he saw that it was blotched and contorted with grief. As he neared her he saw the tear tracks on her face and the dried wet spots on her pillow. Her hair was matted to her face and it lay in disarray about her. She had the sheets bawled into her fists which still clutched them tightly. Here was the vision of unrest and deep sadness, and Rhett had never felt so moved before by what he saw. She tossed uneasily as he gently lowered his weight onto the side of the bed, and very slowly, he reached out his hand and smoothed the tangled hair away from her face. At his touch, her face relaxed and she released the sheets. He continued to caress her face until the sadness left her features and peace replaced it. Tears glistened in his eyes as a sudden wave of guilt swept over him. **She deserves better than this,** he thought, **and I am doing nothing to assure it. **The truth was he was still very much in love with her. He remembered Belle's words to him a few years ago: **"You're poisoned with her."** Yes, in a way he was. Her presence or memory he would never be rid of, and the desire to take her into his arms would forever be in the back of his mind every time he was with her. Deep within his heart he could feel his profound love for her, and it made his body, mind, and soul ache. This was the feeling of true love.**_

_**He finally stood, and blinked his eyes hard, picked up his candle, and left the room, shutting the door quietly. In the darkness Scarlett opened her eyes. She knew he had been there.**_

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_**The next morning when Pansy awoke Scarlett, the maid found her mistress's pillow wet with tears, the bed sheets in a disarray, and her eyes red with grief and lack of sleep. "Miss Scarlett, is you alright?"**_

_**Scarlett didn't meet her eyes. "Yes, Pansy, I am fine."**_

"_**Well you cer'ainly don look it."**_

"_**I am perfectly fine, now stop gloating over me and go draw my bath."**_

"_**Yes'm, right away, but I's supposed ta give yous a leddar, that Mista Rhett done give me, firs ting when you git up."**_

_**Scarlett snatched the letter from Pansy's hands and glared at her. "Well, you've done your job. Go fill my bath."**_

"_**Yes'm," replied Pansy, wagging her head as she did so.**_

_**Scarlett waited until her maid had left the room before she opened the letter from Rhett. As soon as she had opened it, his beautiful and distinct hand writing jumped off the page.**_

_Mrs. Butler,_

_I must leave early this morning to attend to some business in New York. I am sorry that my stay was so short, but I think both you and I know it is best for both of us to see as little of each other as possible. _I would once again like to apologize for my behavior last night. It was unpardonable.

_I shall return in a month or so. I have left some money in your bank account. No doubt that will keep you occupied until my return._

_Rhett_

_**Scarlett bawled the letter up in her hands and threw it across the room. She then felt the tears coming, felt them traveling up her throat, making it constrict painfully. Her chest began to quake and her tears had begun to prick her eyes. **Stop it!** She told herself. **You have done enough crying. Stop wasting your tears on **him**. He isn't worth it. Now get out of that bed and make the best of things. It is time to live on your own. **With those thoughts Scarlett jumped out of the bed and ran to the bathroom where Pansy was filling her bath with pitchers of hot water. "Pansy, I want you to pack mine and the children's bags immediately. We are going to Virginia tomorrow morning. Get the children ready to go into to town for shopping after breakfast. Hurry!"**_

_**Pansy scurried out of the wash room mumbling "Yes'm." **_

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_**That afternoon, Scarlett, Wade, and Ella went into to town and bought a number of new garments for their journey. Normally they would have been fitted and then had their new clothes made for them, but Scarlett was in a hurry and she would not be patient. So hastily they bought a few new frocks, and Wade received a suit, along with a few pairs of slacks and everyday shirts, and a coat. Nothing ever calmed Scarlett's nerves more than a good day of shopping and spending money flamboyantly. She bought all new accessories for herself and Ella: parasols, gloves, hats, hand-bags, silk stockings, and even some jewelry. Her temper had been sweetened and she was jollied back to her good humor as she walked out of the store, her arms heavy with boxes and bags, to the carriage. They were on their way home when Wade asked timidly, "Mother, can we stop at Cousin Beau's house on the way home? If we don't, I shan't get to see him before we leave."**_

"_**That's a lovely idea, and it's 'may we stop,' darling." She then hollered out the window to the driver, asking him to stop by Aunt Pitty's on the way home. Once arriving Scarlett strolled up the walk, her children running ahead of her and banging on the door excitedly. India answered the door and smiled sweetly at the children, but once seeing Scarlett, her face became hard and her smile disappeared. "Go on inside, children," India told them. But when Scarlett tried to enter, India placed her hand on the door frame, blocking the way. "You are not welcome in this house, Scarlett. I have already told you once; I did not desire to tell you again."**_

_**The two women stood staring at each other: India's gaze hard and unyielding, Scarlett's cool and unreadable. "India, when I went home to Tara after the Yankees had marched through, leaving nothing but destruction behind them, there were a great many things that I did not **desire** to do, such as burry my mother before I got to see her again. Sometimes because of circumstance we must do things we do not desire to. I am afraid that this is one of the cases." And with that Scarlett stepped forward and India yielded. Once inside, India glared at Scarlett. "India," began Mrs. Butler, "I do hope that we can find it within each other to get along. I should dislike thinking that after all this time and all that we have been through, we could not be mature enough to put the past behind us. Melanie would have wanted us to get along, for Ashley and her son's sake."**_

_**There was a clear look of shock upon India's face and her eyes had become wide. She was speechless, and Scarlett did not give her a chance to recover for she walked gracefully away and into the study, where she knew Ashley would be.**_

_**He did not glance up as she entered, but continued to shuffle through papers, deeply absorbed in his work. "India," he began, "would you bring me some tea, and my account books, please."**_

"_**Hello, Ashley."**_

_**At the sound of her voice, his head snapped up and once seeing her he quickly rose from his chair and crossed over to her, taking her hands into his own. "Scarlett, to what do I owe your visit?"**_

"_**Well, I wanted to tell you that I am leaving, tomorrow morning on a train headed for Virginia."**_

_**He stood, drinking in what she had told him. "And why are you leaving?" he finally asked as he sauntered back to his desk chair and sat.**_

_**She ignored his rudeness in not offering her a seat, moved to the couch politely, and stated, "Because I need some time alone, away from everything. I need time to get to know my children, for I find that I don't even know them. I want to get to know myself and get my life in order, and I need to be away in order to do it. I don't want any interruptions or distractions from the people I know, so I am going away."**_

_**Something moved behind his gray eyes, and a brief look of comprehension spread over his face. Ashley moved from his chair and came to sit next to her. "Dearest, this may be forward of myself, but I want you to know that I know about your situation with Rhett. Scarlett, if you ever need anything I would be more than happy to-"**_

"_**Oh, Ashley, it's awfully sweet of you, but I am fine, really. Rhett and I just need some time away from each other, that's all," she lied. "I am well taken care of so you needn't worry."**_

_**His face fell but he tried to hide it, she knew he didn't approve of Rhett. "Well, then I hope that things work out between you." He wasn't convincing.**_

"_**Thank you, Ashley. I do too."**_

_**There was a brief silence. "You love him, don't you?"**_

_**She nodded as tears filled her eyes. "Very much."**_

_**He sighed and took her hands. "Then I suppose you see something in him that I have failed to. I am sorry for all the pain he has caused you." She opened her mouth to deny it but he cut her off. "No, I see it in your eyes, every time I am with you or you are with him."**_

"_**We are going to work it out. I am not going to let this relationship die. You know, I am partly to blame for the pain. I bring it upon myself by irritating him and he brings it upon himself by irritating me. I suppose it's our pride that makes us the way we are. If we would just put our pettiness behind us, and admit our weakness, things would be easier. But that is not going to happen any time soon. But I am not going to give up on him because I love him. Rhett is the only man for me, I can feel it in my heart. I love him more than I have loved anyone else and I know he loves me just as deeply. He is just afraid of admitting it."**_

"_**But why? Surely any man would willingly confess his love for you." He then turned away as he said, "I would."**_

"_**I know you would, dearest, but you must understand that Rhett is not just any man. He is different from anyone I have ever known, and I suppose that is part of his charm. He is a part of many worlds, and that's what makes him who he is. He may make me mad as hell and be the cause of my sadness, but I will love him till the day I die, no matter what he does or says. I suppose it is my curse, and I will bear it for the rest of my life."**_

_**Ashley nodded. "Then I grieve for you, because of the web you are tangled in. Had it been within my power, I would have saved you such pain, but it was not my place."**_

"_**Ashley, no one could ever deter me from my course once my mind is set upon it."**_

"_**This I know too well. I am glad that we can talk this way, Scarlett, and with that said, I want you to know, that I have always loved you. Not in the way of a lover, but by way of a brother."**_

"_**Ashley, you don't need to explain. That is all behind us and there it should remain. Those days are over, and it does us no good to gloat upon the past."**_

_**He stood nodding his head. "You are right. You were always the practical one, pulling me out of my dreams into reality where people depended on me. I suppose that is the main difference between us, my dear. I always ran from reality, whereas you faced it and did something about it. I rely on my dreams to spirit me away, but you rely on the harshness of life to keep you going. You thrive on circumstance and out of problems you find your strength to persevere. You know what you want and you get it. For that, I admire you, Scarlett. Thank you for being a rock for me to lean on." **_

_**There were tears in her eyes as she hastily stood and made her way to the door. Opening it quickly she yelled up the stairs, and her voice cracked, "Children, we must leave at once." They immediately came bounding down the stairs, followed by Beau as Scarlett opened the front door. Pitty came scurrying round the corner and rushed to Scarlett. "I am sorry, Auntie, I can't speak now." And with that Scarlett left the house, her children following quickly after her.**_

"_**Was she alright, Ashley?" asked Aunt Pitty, befuddled by her niece's behavior.**_

"_**I hope so."**_


	4. Almost Free

**_Once home, Scarlett asked that their purchases be packed along with the rest of their necessities. The children were told to run upstairs to tidy up for dinner, and Scarlett retired to the library to check over her figures. Once seated in her chair before her great desk, she felt an immediate calm sweep over her. Going over her accounts always settled her and cleared her mind, because she was only able to concentrate on one thing and not anything else. Business was steady although it seemed to be slowing at present. But the important thing was that Ashley would be alright. _**Good,** she thought.** At least I will be able to go out of town without having to worry about him. Oh, I can't wait to get out of here. I am tired of those accusing glances that are thrown my way by those old busy-bodies.

**By chance, Scarlett's gaze wandered to the fire where her eyes landed on the chair that Rhett had sat on, only last evening. Without realizing what she was doing, she walked over to it and sat down. His scent still lingered on the chair and she stroked the fabric lovingly. "Oh, Rhett," she said aloud, "Please come home. I want to be a good wife, and I am so sorry for all the pain I caused you. I want to make amends with you. I need you so much."**

**It was then that Pansy entered the study, clearing her throat to announce her arrival. "Miss Scarlet, dinner is ready."**

**Mrs. Butler immediately jumped from the chair and hastily wiped away the tears that had managed to spill. Placing her hands before her, straightening her spine, and lifting her chin, she responded coolly, "Thank you Pansy. I shall be there momentarily."**

**Pansy nodded and scurried out of the room so her mistress could be alone. Scarlett swiftly walked over to the large desk, shut her books, and placed her pen next to them neatly. With a deep sigh, she sauntered to the door, and left the study. As she walked through the hall to the Dinning Room, she glanced at the great staircase. Her thoughts flashed back to an evening, no so long ago. **He had taken me into his strong arms, and roughly swung me. I almost cried out but his fierce eyes, alight with burning passion and fire, silenced me. His fingers were bruising me as he carried me up the stair case to his room, and he did not even wait until we were inside to overpower me with his hot kiss. **"Momma?" came a soft voice next to her. "It's time to eat."**

**When Scarlett looked down on her son, Wade, what the young boy saw in her eyes frightened him: tears. She had been crying a lot recently. He knew because late at night he would sneak to his mother's door and press his ear against it. Within he would hear the muffled noise of her crying, and his throat would constrict with grief and fear for his mother. In this moment, when her eyes looked so imploringly down upon him, not even knowing what she was asking, Wade timidly reached out his hand, took hold of his mother's arm, and led her gently into the dining room.**

**All through dinner Ella and Wade talked about their trip to Virginia. "What are we going to do there, Mother?" asked Wade. **

"**Well, I suppose we could go to the beach. Would you like that? You've never been to the ocean before."**

"**Oh, yes I would like that very much!"**

"**Me too," chimed Ella while munching hungrily on her chicken.**

"**Don't talk with food in your mouth, dear."**

"**Yes, Mother," she replied after swallowing her chicken.**

"**We could do some sight-seeing and shopping. I think we also have some friends that live in Richmond. We could pay them a visit. I am checking us into the Grand Plaza, which is not too far from the beach. It's a very nice hotel, and I plan on spending quite some time relaxing."**

"**Will Uncle Rhett be there, Mother?" asked Wade.**

**There was a slight pause as Scarlett put down her fork and wiped her mouth casually, trying to hide her lips that had begun to tremble. Her eyes glistened, and her perceptive son felt his mother's grief. "No, darling, Rhett will not be there. He is attending to some business up North, but he shall be home soon." It was a lie. She didn't know when he would be home, but she wished with all her heart that it would be soon.**

**The servants came and cleared away the dishes, and Ella slipped down from her chair and took Pansy's hand. The servant took Ella up stairs for her bath, but Wade remained in the dinning room with his mother. Scarlett didn't even notice. Her eyes had glazed over, and she stared into nothingness. She sat unmoving, appearing as a statue and Wade was disturbed. Never had he seen her in this state. Not even when they were back at Tara after the Yankees had marched through and all were seeking her guidance; not even her father's, mother's or Melanie's death had affected her so. Anger began to boil inside of him for he had reached a realization. Rhett was responsible for her sate. It was because of him she was emotionally separated from the rest of the world. Because of him she had shut everyone out of her life, going inside of herself like a hermit retreating from civilization.**

**Quietly he walked over to her, and she did not even detect his movement, not even when he was standing right next to her. Gently, he reached up his arms and put them around her neck. At his touch she was jerked to reality, and her misty eyes stared into the soft ones of her son. Hesitantly he pressed his cheek to hers, for he wasn't sure how she would respond, and he stroked her hair with his small hand. "It's alright, mother. Everything will be alright." **

**His tender words melted her composure, and she threw her arms around him, hugging him close to her body, and burying her head in his neck, she wept bitterly. "Oh, darling, what would I do without you? You are my brave soldier and I am very proud of you. I know I haven't paid you much attention, but I promise to make it up to you."**

"**It's alright, Momma. Don't feel bad."**

**Scarlett took a moment to truly look at her son. What she saw was no longer a small timid boy, used to cowering in corners because of her mother's bad moods in the hard days at Tara. She saw before her a boy well on his into becoming a grown man. He had changed so much during such a short period of time. Why hadn't she noticed it? The harsh pains of regret stung her heart. "Oh, Wade, you are so much like your father." And then very softly she whispered, "Charles," and this brought on new tears. **I could have been so much nicer to him,** she thought remorsefully. **I shouldn't have married him. It was wrong of me, and I didn't even give him the love he deserved. He adored me, and I married him to spite Ashley.** The painful sin swelled in her bosom until she was sure it would burst, and her chest began to heave. But her thoughts calmed her. **The past is behind you, Scarlett. There is nothing you can do to change what happened so you might as well not dwell on it. It will only bring you heartache and misery. You have changed and are no longer the girl you used to be. Put it behind you.

"**I know, Momma. I know about you and Uncle Rhett. I know it is none of my business, as I am but a child, but now that he has gone, I am the man of the house. I promise to be your brave soldier and help you from now on."**

What have I done to deserve a child such as this? Surely I am unworthy. **Smiling she placed her hands on either side of her son's head and held it lovingly. "Thank you, darling. You don't know how much that means to me. I am very grateful." With that she kissed him on the forehead, and sent him up the stairs for his bath.**

**As Scarlett was preparing for bed, memories of Rhett and earlier times came flooding back to her. The days of their honey-moon and the days immediately following their honey-moon were good days. They had laughed together and shared their deepest thoughts to one another. They had possessed a bond that was almost supernatural. But then came the days when their friendship seemed to deteriorate. And what had made their once beautiful relationship fall apart, Scarlett's lust for Ashley and her immature behavior. She shut Rhett out of her life, pretending that he was Ashley in moments of tenderness. She drove him away, making him jealous of Ashley. **

**She remembered the day she had gone to the lumber mill to visit Ashley. It was the day he had told her that Melanie and him could have no more children, so therefore he would have to deny himself of her. When she had come home and Rhett had entered her room, she told Rhett that she didn't want to have anymore children because she felt badly for Melanie. The truth of the matter was, she was vain and loved her appearance more than anyone else. Rhett had seen right through her lie and had become angry. That was the beginning of the death of their relationship.**

**But there were those precious times, late at night, when he would whisper endearments into her ear, and hold her close in his strong embrace, caressing her tenderly. Those days when he spoiled her, denying her nothing, granting her heart's desire, hoping to win her affection. She had loved him in those days, though she did not know it at the time. He had given her unconditional love, overwhelming passion that carried them away into an alternate reality. When he first made love to her, he took her to a place she never knew existed. Scarlett had found that there was more to marriage then breeding children. It was about pleasure and excitement beyond understanding. He made her burn with desires that were foreign to her. His touch made her lose control: she could not deny him; even her stubborn Irish will was not strong enough to resist him.**

**But happiness was mingled with sadness. There were always those haunting memories that reminded her of the pain they caused one another. Those hurtful words, spat at each other in moments of anger, or hurt, were always there to trouble her. There was that dreadful day when India had found Scarlett in Ashley's arms at the depot. That innocent embrace, in which Scarlett had discovered she no longer loved Ashley as a lover but as a good friend, had been a mistake, for it was the appearance of evil. India had spread the rumor and by evening the whole town new of it. Scarlett lay cowering in her bed, pleading not to go to Ashley's surprise party because she was afraid of the lies that India had spread. It was the one time in her life when she was actually afraid. She had faced the Yankees, hunger, and the untimely death of her many friends and family; but this was something that she feared more than any of the preceding. Rhett had once told her "With enough courage you could do without a reputation." But Scarlett did not have enough courage for it without Rhett behind her. **

**Rhett had stormed into her room, yanked her out of bed, and threw at her the most revealing dress in her closet, telling her that "she had to play her part." The venom of implication in his tone made her heart ache. He was implying that she was a harlot, and technically, in her lust for Ashley, she was. Rhett had made her attend the party, and then, at the doorstep, he abandoned her. Scarlett had born the evening because something more frightening than gossip had come to her attention: the realization that she had lost Rhett's respect and love. **Why was I so careless and stupid? Why could I not see that I loved Rhett and not Ashley? What was blinding me?

**Scarlett climbed into bed and snuggled under the covers. Pansy came in silently, noted her mistress's moodiness, and silently doused the light, making her exit discreet. Scarlett lay in the darkness, the covers over head. As she lay there, the answer came. **I was blind because I was still a little girl. I did not know what I wanted, and therefore I pushed away all those that were around me. Because of my child-like manner, I lost Rhett. Well, that's going to change. I am going to get him back. I swear it. Even if it means my life!

**The next morning Scarlett awoke rested and prepared for the day. She was eager to leave this wretched town behind her and the people in it. She hurriedly ate through her breakfast and took a quick bath before rushing downstairs to see if all was prepared. **

**Ella and Wade had been awakened at a decent hour and they were now groomed and ready for the journey. Ella's eyes were shining with excitement but Wade looked wary. He knew the motivation for Scarlett to leave was more than just restlessness. There was something else, buried deep within her. Rhett was driving her away, but the more he thought on it, the more he realized that they were driving each other away by their hatefulness. He would never forget those harsh and relentless words they had spoken to one another during the dark days following Bonnie's death. Never, in his whole life, had he heard such words exchanged between a man and a woman. Yes, his mother had been harsh during difficult circumstances, but she most certainly was not truly mean. Those words had been cajoled out of her by the ones spoken by her husband. He had hurt her and she wanted to hurt him back. It was as if they could not help what was coming out of their mouths. It just came and would not stop. But there was more to it than that. He knew it well, but he could not figure it out.**

**Scarlett was in the Study, trying desperately to write a simple note to Henry Hamilton, but her mind wandered. She urged herself to hurry but that only succeeded in making her mind wander further. Finally, several sheets of paper later, her note read:**

Mr. Henry Hamilton,

I wish to inform you that I shall be taking an extended leave of absence. I wish my whereabouts to remain unknown. All I ask is that you continue to deposit Rhett's monthly payments into my account. I shall withdraw whenever I find the need. Thank you,

Scarlett

**Finally satisfied, she sealed the letter in an envelope and gave it to one of her servants, telling him to see that it was delivered in a timely fashion. Suddenly, Ella burst into the Study. "Are we almost ready to leave, mother?" **

**Scarlett had to laugh at the eagerness in her daughter's eyes. Leaning down to her eye level she responded, "Are you anxious, precious? I am too, but we should be leaving in a little while. Are you quite ready?"**

"**Oh yes, Pansy packed up all our things last night."**

"**That's wonderful, darling. Now, could you be a good girl for mother, and sit patiently until its time to leave?"**

"**I shall try my hardest," the young girl said sincerely.**

"**Thank you, precious. Mother is almost ready, she just has to take care of some last minute things, alright?"**

**Ella nodded her head and scurried into the parlor to wait.**


	5. Farewell Atlanta

**Rhett Butler sat on the side of a bed, his head hanging limply, and his back heaving. Casually he sloshed the liquor in his glass before taking a swig and he grimaced slightly as the stinging liquid made its way down his throat to his empty stomach. He felt her cool, soft hand stroking his back, and then her wet lips against his cheek. "C'mon, honey," she urged. "Let's give it a go one more time before you leave." He hardly heard her, so engrossed in his thoughts was he. Blankly he stared out the window at the rising sun, its crimson rays beaming through the clouds and announcing morning. Warm rays of sunshine fell in pools on the floor and brought warmness to the disarrayed room that was unkempt. **

**Pictures hung askew, the rug was lumpy on the floor, items of clothing littered the floor and furniture, cheap floral wall paper was beginning to peal off the walls, and a sad excuse for a four poster bed completed the ensemble. To a refined eye, it was a slum, hardly fit to live in, but to the creatures of the underworld, it was a palace. Rhett Butler was in the sought after Chamber Suite at the Strutting Pony. The suite belonged to the head "entertainer" at the establishment; and she had denied all the extravagant offers of the eager men that desired her pleasures to spend the whole night with Rhett. **

**Rhett didn't belong in a space such as this. He appeared out of place in his ridiculous surroundings, but he felt right at home. Among this mire and scum of the earth he thought he found his place, for he was a rogue and a rogue he would remain. He could charm the ladies and feign gentleman like manners, but it was all just an act. Why the hell did he put on this act? He used to do it for Bonnie, and now that she had gone, he found that he no longer cared to pretend. Deep within him, he still loved Scarlett, although he wouldn't admit, and that is why he continued this masquerade he worked so hard on. **

**He glanced back to the woman that lay next to him. Her eyes were gazing upon him intently, her face soft and welcoming. Her disheveled hair concealed half her face, but he could still see her big hazel eyes that bore into his soul. Unprompted, she sat up and edged closer to him, leaning her head on his shoulder and caressing his back comfortingly. She knew that he just needed her presence and not her pleasures. After a moment or two, she asked, "You thinkin' 'bout her again?"**

**Rhett nodded, keeping his eyes lowered and his face turned away from her. Without warning he jerkily turned, grabbed her up in his arms, and held her fiercely to his chest. He buried his face in her hair and breathed in the scent of lavender. Her small warm body close to his awakened his desire and he attempted desperately to control his breathing. She let him hold her, but not too long after she gently pulled herself away from his grip, crawled out of his lap, stood, knelt before him, and took his hands. Her beautiful abundant red hair trailed down her back and her kind eyes searched his. "Rhett," she finally began, "I am not Scarlett." He began to protest but she waved him silent. "No, do not deny it. I know it is her you envision every time you look at me. Whenever we are…" she searched for a delicate way to put it, "…alone together, you go inside of yourself, retreating to another world. You no longer look at me with the same eyes. And at night, when you dream, you call out her name and mistake her for me. If I help you at all in easing your pain, then I have done my job. But, Rhett, you are torturing yourself. I know you love her, and it seems to me that if you were wise you would get over your pride, go back to her and-"**

"**I am sorry, Musette. It is wrong of me to use you so."**

"**I am a whore that is what I do."**

"**But you are not like the others. You have something that the others do not have. You have a heart, Musette, and I was wrong ever to shut you out. You are beautiful, and do not let anyone tell you otherwise."**

"**You're sweet, but stop running from the conversation. It may not be my place to say so, but I can't help it. I never was one for holding my tongue and minding my manners. I have always said what I thought and have never regretted it. Rhett, go home, you don't belong here. You are a gentleman that deserves a nice home and a loving wife. Make amends with Scarlett, start over, you deserve more than this pain and misery."**

**Rhett had stood and was half way dressed by the time she had delivered her speech. "It is kind of you to offer advice, but it is to no avail. It is over between me and Scarlett, and even if we wanted to make amends and start over, it wouldn't work. With Bonnie went any chance of us beginning a new life and having a relationship. Now that she is gone, so is our love."**

"**But that's not true, Rhett. I know you love her. You are just afraid to admit it." **

**Her comment struck him and his eyes cut to her and measured her. She was never one to hold her tongue. His eyes flamed for a few brief moments but her stare did not waver, she met his gaze bravely. Slowly he leaned over and placing his hand behind her neck, he pulled her closer, and he kissed her forehead and then her lips. He then reached into his pocket and pulled out a large wad of money. "Oh, no Rhett, don't pay me." Her tender eyes said**_I don't do it for the money. I do it because I love you. **Rhett sighed, leant over and kissed her once more. He then straightened his jacket and left the room. The wad of money was lying on her table.**_

**_-_**

**The carriage creaked to a stop and Scarlett carefully stepped out of it. Wade watched as his mother walked toward the gravestone marker with Bonnie's name on it. She then elegantly knelt next to it and began to speak, but her eyes remained dry. He could not hear what she said, but her face was placid and there was a tender look in her eye. After a few moments, she then arose and walked to another marker, where she once again knelt. But this time her eyes did not remain dry and she lost her composure. She threw herself to the ground and began to sob, her black dress pooling about her. Wade then knew that she was at Melanie's grave. His mother, his heroine that had always been strong and brave, accepting responsibility without question and facing life head on, now appeared weak and lifeless. He could hear her desperate sobs and the horses flicked their ears in her direction. The cab driver tried to pretend that he did not hear her crying, but one would have to be deaf to not hear.**

"**Oh, Melanie," she sobbed unashamedly, "Oh, Mellie, I need you so much. Where are you when I need you? Oh, forgive me, darling, I did not mean to be rude. How are you, up there? Do you like it? I am certain it is better up there than it is down here. You have no idea how many times I have pondered on joining you over the past few days. Yes, I admit it and I am not ashamed. It would be so much easier that way, to just be able to end the pain and leave it all behind. But then I look at Wade, Ella, Beau, and Ashley, and I am reminded of you and my promise. **

"**You would have never thought of such a thing. You were so noble, Mellie. In your own way you were always strong. You carried the load for all of us, and you wouldn't share it with any one else. I wish I could be more like you. I try, but I fail every time. If I could just become a lady, not outwardly but inwardly, I feel that I will have made a small step to somewhat resembling you.**

"**Oh, Mellie, I don't know what to do. Rhett has left me, I am sure of it. He only pays visits to town to 'keep the gossip down.' I still love him, love him more than I ever knew or understood. This is not the child-hood love any mindless girl encounters during her adolescent years. This is true love. I have finally found it, but as soon as I recognized it for what it was, it was too late, and I had already pushed him away. Now he will never take me back. It's all my fault! If only I had been a better wife, and not blinded by my silly childhood desires, then this wouldn't have happened."**

"**If only you were here! Mellie, I need you so much. I need your guidance; your still, quiet voice in my ear, telling me what to do. You were always one with a cool head in hectic situations, you always just knew what to do, and everything always turned out right. Well, I have made a mess of things, and I don't know if I will ever be able to begin to clean it up. I am going to need your prayers. Look kindly down on your sister, whom you have left behind to toil and struggle.**

"**I am sorry, if I have burdened you with my troubles, but you are the only one that I can go to. With you went all the friends that I ever had. It was your goodness, faith, and love for me that made them hospitable toward me. Now that you are gone, they shun me and detest my existence. I love you, Mellie. Thank you for listening." **

**Slowly Scarlett rose from her knees and wiped away her tears with her black taffeta dress. It rustled stiffly as she stood and cast one last despairing look toward the lonely tomb stone. She then quickly turned and walked away.**

**-**

**Henry Hamilton sat behind his desk. He had just finished reading the note from Scarlett for the second time. **She gave no explanation of her sudden departure or what her destination was. This is unlike her, to leave so unexpectedly. **He thought for a few more moments and realized that Rhett had just come to town two days ago. That, perhaps, could be the underlying reason. Her marriage had troubled her and so she sought a way to run from it. **

_**Rhett had come in to see him when he had arrived, wishing to be informed of his accounts and the like. Henry had seen pain in the man's eyes, but there was more than pain there. Guilt was also present. Henry grieved for Scarlett and Rhett and at how their marriage was deteriorating. They were making no effort to salvage it, but not because they thought that it would prove in vain. One might think that it was because they feared the process. Wearily he rubbed a hand across his face and sighed. He loved Scarlett, but his love was derived from his sympathy and pity for her. His heart grieved for her, but he knew not how to help her and so he refrained from doing so. But aside to that, proper southern society did not permit a gentleman to meddle in something as personal as someone's marriage. It was considered rude and it suggested ill breeding on your family's part. And so, for the sake of appearances, Henry Hamilton refrained from assisting his own kin in a tempestuous time.**_


	6. Realizations

Scarlett attempted for the thousandth time to doze on the bumpy train ride, but the constant jolts kept her from doing so. Frustrated, she sighed and crossed her arms over her chest. Glancing to her right, she saw the angelic face of Ella, her lips parted slightly in sleep, her soft brown hair fallen out of her neat bun. Her had lay lightly on her mother's arm, and tentatively Scarlett pulled her arm out from under her daughter's head, and placed it around her shoulders, pulling her only daughter closer to her. She bent down her head and kissed the soft tendrils that hung loosely. A sudden feeling of deep motherly love stirred within her, bringing tears to her eyes.

She looked over at Wade. He too was asleep, but he was still sitting strait as a rod. Only his head was bent, casting a shadow across his form. He had grown so much, he was almost a man. How had she missed it? A sharp pang of guilt and regret shot through her heart. Because of the harsh circumstances and unfortunate time in which they lived, she had missed his childhood, cast him aside in her drive to succeed.

During those dark times Scarlett had found the face of her only son troublesome. When she saw him she was reminded of yet another mouth to feed, another person's problems to fix. And in a way she resented him, but not just him, she resented the fact that she had married Charles in order to spite Ashley and that her plan had failed. She had been repaid with a child she had never wanted. To Scarlett Wade represented a bad decision that she should have had the foresight to avoid. Because of her girlish fantasies, ambitions, and foolish lust after Ashley, she had single-handedly ruined her life. She hated to acknowledge the fact that she had made a mistake because she was caught up in the moment.

However she tried to blame it on circumstance. She attempted to convince herself that because of the hard times and harsh realities of life, she had to temporarily focus her attention on surviving and not her child. She did not have the capacity to concentrate on both family and herself. In order to survive; and not only survive, to succeed, she had to place her son's needs on hold to better her own situation. But Melanie had found time for Beau, even when she was busy picking cotton at Tara, she still took him aside every night and spent time with him, be it telling him a story or saying his prayers with him.

Melanie, Melanie, the perfect mother and wife. At times Scarlett hated her, but others she loved her beyond sense. But her hatred wasn't true or heart felt; it sprung from jealousy, and anger towards herself because of her deficiency and inadequacy in being a mother, wife, and good person. Melanie was the epitome of goodness and grace. Within her shone a light that could not be drowned out. It was so bright that it touched those around her, and those that felt it either resented her for it, or admired her. Scarlett struggled with that light all her life. Melanie was always by her side and because of that Scarlett was constantly out-shone. In everything that she did she couldn't measure up to Melanie; and during those early years she hated Melanie for it, but mostly because she was young, foolish, and jealous.

She viewed life as a competition, and because Melanie seemed to be the victor, Scarlett was drove mad with jealousy. She could get what she wanted faster than any woman, feed more people on one loaf of bread than most, and make money quicker than any man. She was the most successful business women and what's worse she knew it. She came out of the war on two feet and with money to spare, but yet she was still despised by society. Society loved Melanie because, although she was dirt poor, she maintained her honor and pride by refraining from doing business with the Yankees and keeping her place as a women by not getting involved in business or "men's affairs."

Well Scarlett was proud, proud that she had become more successful than any other confederate that had come out of the war. She had not gone down without a fight and the defeat of her worst enemies: poverty and hunger. That lonely day at Twelve Oaks she had promised herself that she would never be hungry again, and she had fulfilled that promise and she was proud. She didn't care that the gossip-mongers whispered behind her back that she was a disgrace to society and her own race, that it was scandalous for her to be a business woman. Or so she told herself.

Still there was that inborn desire within her, yearning to be accepted and approved of by the Southern Society in which she had been raised. She wanted so badly to be acknowledged by women her mother had associated herself with. She wanted to be a "lady," but if one wanted to be a lady, one would have to readily accept poverty and sometimes hunger. That was something Scarlett was not ready to sacrifice.

As she sat looking at her children, a wave of emotion washed over her. If it hadn't have been for her ruthless ways and stubborn determination, her children would not even be there next to her. So, for the first time in her life, Scarlett was glad that she hadn't been a lady, for if she had followed in her mother's footsteps, her children would have ceased to exist. If Scarlett had been a lady, she wouldn't have married Rhett Butler, or discovered what it was to truly love someone. Yes, these were the things that she was thankful for, and even though she was not happy, she was contented with the memories of better times because of the path she had tread.

!>!>!>!>!>!>!>!>!>!>!>!>!>!>

Ashley was in the kitchen, pouring himself a glass of water when he heard Scarlett's name. Quietly he walked over to the door and gently pressed his ear up against it. He heard the muffled voices of India, Mrs. Meade, Mrs. Meriwether, and Fanny Elsing within. India was first to speak. "She just left town without a word. She came to see my brother yesterday. Scarlett barged right on in, even after I communicated to her that I wished her not to do so."

"I dare say," began Mrs. Meriwether, "the nerve of that woman is appalling. She has always been gallivanting about and pushing her authority over everyone."

"It is quite odd," added Mrs. Meade, "considering her family was well brought up and her mother, Ellen, was the soul of goodness, a true lady."

Mrs. Meriwhether lowered her voice, "I happen to know that Mr. and Mrs. Butler are suffering from marital issues. That would perhaps cast some light on why Scarlett left so suddenly. After all wasn't that dreadful Rhett Butler just in town?"

Fanny nodded eagerly. "But Mr. Butler seems like such a gentleman. He is always kind and civil when he speaks to me."

"My dear," continued Mrs. Meade, "the man is anything but a gentleman, a rogue at heart. Do not forget that he is rumored to have made away with some of the confederate treasury."

India changed the subject. "You'd think that Scarlett would be happy, considering that Rhett has somewhat left her and she is technically free to do as she pleases. She has been throwing herself at Ashley ever since he returned from Europe all those years ago. The little tramp."

In the kitchen, Ashley's blood was boiling. He was infuriated that they were speaking in such a manner. But he was too cowardly to make himself known and rebuke them for such idle gossip. But suddenly, Melanie's face appeared in his head, reminding him that if she were in his position, she would fearlessly barge in and defend her beloved Scarlett at her peril. With the image of his wife in his mind, Ashley shoved open the kitchen door, making the women jump and their tea-cups rattle in their saucers. "How dare you speak of Mrs. Butler in such a way. You should be ashamed of yourselves. Have you nothing better to do than to discuss the affairs of others which do not concern you?

"Now that Melanie is gone, you feel as though you can speak freely about Scarlett. Well, I am going to tell you otherwise. If you wish to remain in this house, you will maintain the conversations befitting to a lady and not those of cowards and ill-bred people. Scarlett is my sister-in-law, and I love her.

"Do not presume that you even have a grasp on her affairs or mine. Stay out of our business for it is none of your affair. Proper Southern ladies speak only what is helpful for the building of others up; and you 'ladies' have certainly just proved that you are obviously anything but. Good day."

And with that Ashley left the room, shutting the door firmly behind him and leaving the women flabbergasted.

!>!>!>!>!>!>!>!>!>!>!>!>!>!>!>!>!>!>!>!

Scarlett sat on the bench in the garden of her suite in the Grand Plaza Hotel. The breeze from the sea caressed her face, but instead issuing comfort, she only felt more alone. Her children were in their rooms, freshening up from their journey and Scarlett would have been doing the same, but suddenly she felt the intense desire to be alone and simply think.

She was almost positive that the further away from Atlanta she traveled, the better she would feel, thinking that her responsibilites would fade away and that she would easily forget the people she had left behind. However her feeling was quite the opposite. The only emotion she felt was guilt and sadness. By leaving she had deserted the only people she knew and trusted. But not only that, she left the one thing behind her that constantly reminded her of Rhett: the house on Peach Tree street.

Granted, she was not too found of the house, as it was dark and dreary, constantly conjuring up old unwanted memories. But still, his presence lurked in the hall-ways and his mocking laugh filled the rooms. It was the one thing that completely belonged to them both. It signified the beginning of their life together. Although the house held many unpleasant memories, it harbored happy ones as well.

She remembered the first days of her marriage, when they carried on tolerably well. One would even say they discovered a fondness for one another, or rather they displayed a fondness for one another. Both of them were far too prideful to even hint a feeling of attraction or even love. Although both feelings were there and undeniable.

Then there was Bonnie, the child that seemed to light their lives, and give their failing marriage hope. However, the addition to their family was a issue as well as a joy. Scarlett heavily dissagreed with Rhett's parenting methods. He was constantly spoiling the child, granting Bonnie her every whim and fancy. Although both Scarlett and Mammy frowned at this, there was little to be done to remedy the situation, as Rhett could not tolerate being told he was wrong, and especially by a woman.

And as a result of Rhett's spoiling and a lack of much needed dissapline from both of them, the child become reckless and rebellious. When told not to do something, the child did it any way, knowing that she would not be punished and only petted and gently "chastised." And then there was that fatal day when Bonnie's disobediance resulted in tragedy. Ever since that day, Scarlett regarded Bonnie's death as her fault. If she would have been more firm and persistant on the matter of Bonnie's up-bringing, perhaps her child would be with her now, and not burried where sunshine could not fall upon her angelic face.

There was not a passing day that Scarlett did not think of her daughter's untimely death, and if she hadn't have died, would she and Rhett still be together? It seemed that with Bonnie went everything that Scarlett felt she had to live for.

Suddenly she was gently roused from her thoughts by the small, slender hand that had wiggled its way into her own. Looking down, Scarlett's eyes met the brown ones that belonged to her daughter, Ella. No, not everything had gone with Bonnie. She still had her two beautiful children that she loved dearly. It was then that the thought dawned on her: perhaps Bonnie had given Scarlett more than she first realized. Bonnie's death gave Scarlett the chance to become acquainted with the two people that were as equally a part of her as Bonnie. If it weren't for Rhett's absence and Bonnie's death, Scarlett might have continued to go through life ignoring her children that were both equally as important as Bonnie and who deserved so much more attention and devotion than what she was previously giving them.

Smiling, Scarlett squeezed her daughter's hand affectionately and asked, "What is it, my precious? Are you ready for dinner?"

Ella merely continued to stare into the eyes of her mother. Even though she was young, she noticed the change in Scarlett's demeanor. Her mother was different. She had been more kind here of late, more tolerant, and affectionate. Whatever was the cause for such behavior, Ella was extremely grateful. "I was just worried about you, Mother. You have been so quiet all day long."

"Why thank you, darling. How very grown-up of you to worry about your mother." The young girl beamed at her mother's praise. "Well, don't worry, Ella. Mother is fine, and I promise not to be so much of a trouble to your heart from now on."

To the surprise of Scarlett, the young girl rose up on her toes and placed a gentle kiss on her cheek. Then Ella whispered in her rmother's ear, "I love you, momma."

Tears filled Scarlett's eyes. _That you should say those words to me! I am undeserving of such un-conditional love. I have never given her cause to say such a thing to me. _Her heart swelled, but not with pride, but with deep affection for her child. "I love you too, baby. Now give Mother a minute and she will be ready to go to dinner. I am coming in now."


	7. The Road to Recovery

The months Scarlett spent away from Atlanta helped to ease the hurt that had abounded from that awful town, and it gave her time to put all of her old and painful memories behind her. With just her children for company, Scarlett became a new person. Their tender ways and eagerness to forgive her was a blessing and Scarlett was softened. She finally crawled out of her harsh exterior, her armor that she had put up long ago in order to survive the war and everything that was going on around her. But those days were long gone and she had merely forgotten to take off the protective armor that she had worked so hard to build. In the sanctuary of her suite on the coast of Virginia, Scarlett became the lady that her mother would have wanted her to be, the lady that had always been within her, waiting for the right time to emerge.

But yet, something was missing. Scarlett needed the company of a man, but not just any man. She wanted the company of Rhett. Scarlett had met a great many people at the hotel, but as their stays were brief, she had to adopt the habit of making friends and saying goodbye soon after. She met a nice younger man by the name of Freddie Saks, and he reminded her so much of Charles. He was a dear and the children adored him. He took them to the beach and he even extended his stay by a week, just so that he might be able to spend more time with the family. The truth was, he had fallen in love with Scarlett. He was intrigued by her elegant but gloomy demeanor, and he wondered why she wore nothing but black. She must have lost someone very close to her.

Scarlett had not worn anything but black since Bonnie's death and Rhett's departure. She found that it protected her and helped her, and it symbolized her great love for the two people that she had lost. This was one piece of armor that she was not yet willing to take off.

When Freddie had overstayed his visit by a month, he asked Scarlett if she would consider marrying him. He had noticed the ring on her left ring-finger, but because she wore black and she traveled alone, he assumed her to be a widow. "The children need a father," he had said, "and I would be more than happy to take on that responsibility. I love you, Scarlett. You have to know that by now."

Tears filled her eyes as she laid her cool hand on his cheek. "Dear, sweet Freddie, you have done a very noble thing. But I can't marry you, first and fore-most because I am still legally bound; second, because you don't know what you would be getting yourself into; and thirdly, because I still love my husband, very much, even though he doesn't know it."

His face fell, and he took her hand into his own and kissed it gently. "Then forgive my forwardness, lady; and your husband must have been a fool for leaving you." He then stood, took off his hat, gave a polite bow, and appropriately withdrew. Freddie departed that evening.

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Rhett tiredly mounted the steps to his house on Peachtree Street, not even noticing that it seemed deserted. Pushing open the door, darkness met his eyes. All the curtains were drawn and not one candle was lit. Fearing a disaster he called out frantically, "Scarlett? Scarlett!" Running up the stairs to her chamber, he flung open the door. The room was very tidy. Her bed had been made, all of the papers on her writing desk were in order and put away, but her closet was empty. She was not here, and by the appearance of the house and her room, it looked as if she planned to be absent for quite a while indeed.

Suddenly panic overtook him. She had sent him no letter and she had left no indication of where she was going. He had always known where she was, even if she did not know where he had gone. The ace was no longer in his hand. Wandering around the house he saw that everything was in complete order, even the kitchens had been cleaned and everything had been put away. _She must have dismissed the servants. Where the hell could she have gone?_ But he suddenly thought of one person who would know where she was. If she was leaving there was one person that she would share her bussiness with. No, she hadn't really changed. She would have told Ashley.

Rhett fought the urge to bound up the stairs of the small house of Ashley Wilkes, and it took all of the control inside of him to knock civilly upon the door. His request was quickly answered by India, who made no attempt whatsoever to conceal the open look of disgust on her face. But because his figure was tall and imposing, India backed away from the door and admitted him. "What might I do for you, Mr. Butler?" Her voice was cold.

"I was hoping to have speech with Mr. Wilkes. Is he at home?"

"I am afraid not. He has gone down to the lumber mill to attend to some business and he will not be back for a while."

"Then I apologize for my intrusion." He tipped his hat and then was gone. _Damn! _he silently cursed to himself. The longer he waited for his information, the more edgy he became and he had to fight hard for his control. _But why should I care,_ he asked himself as he mounted the carraige. _I am the one who walked out on her after all, leaving her alone and miserable. _A sharp pang of guilt and nasua swept through him.

_Yes, _you_ left her there, even when she was begging you to stay, pouring out her heart and soul, laying it at your feet, and what did you do? You stepped on them and you did it with a grin on your face; and you watched her as you saw her dreams come crashing down when her face fell and the fire of the fight left her eyes. Now what do I see when I look into her eyes: darkness, misery, pain, not even one remnent of the Scarlett that used to be. My beautiful, strong woman is gone, vanished forever, crushed by the heel of my boot in my anger. _

And for the first time in a long while, Rhett Butler, leader of the blockade and cold-hearted scoundrel, burried his head in his hands and fought back tears of remorse and deep sadness.


	8. Terra

He took the stairs two at a time, and he did not even bother to knock. Instead he opened the door and strode straight over to the tall, blonde man sitting in a chair behind the desk. For a moment the two men stared at one another, but finally Ashley stood, extended his hand, and said, "Good afternoon, Rhett. What business brings you to the mill?"

He cleared his throat and took a step backward before replying, "I apologize for the interruption but I was wondering if you knew the whereabouts of my _wife_."

Ashley remained silent for a few moments, and he sat down as he answered, "Scarlet told me she was leaving town for a while but she did not inform me of where she was going, and I didn't ask."

Rhett suppressed a snort of surprise. "Really? I thought you of all people would want to know where she was going."

"Scarlett's business is entirely her own. She doesn't answer to me and-"

Rhett could not help himself as he interrupted, "The hell she doesn't!"

Suddenly Ashley's face paled, Rhett looked away in embarassment. He hadn't meant to respond in such a manner. Once again he cleared his throat, and swallowing his pride he said, "I apologize, Mr. Wilkes. That was uncalled for. You must understand that I am worried about Scarlett. She left me no word of where she was going or that she was even leaving in the first place. If my temper is a little short, then perhaps you could forgive me-"

"I understand, Mr. Butler. You needn't apologize. I would help you if I could, but as I said before, I don't know where she is."

"Thank you." With these words spoken, he quickly took his leave. Rhett grumbled to himself as she ran down the stairs. Flinging open the front door he angrily cursed aloud, and hurried to his carriage. Once inside he sat for a few moments ignoring the "Where to, Mr. Butler," from his driver. He could feel his blood boiling in fury, but as he thought, the feelings of anger slowly changed into feelings of panic and genuine concern. _Was she alright? Why did she leave? _And _Where the hell was she?_

Finally Rhett yelled out the window to the driver to take him home. The carriage lurched forward and Rhett was left to his thoughts, starring dejectedly out the window. He noticed that they were driving by Belle Watling's place and he was tempted to ask the driver to stop, but he overcame the urge, realizing that he would regret it later.

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It is true that time helps mend the broken heart, and Scarlett found that breathing came easier ever day. She enjoyed the time she spent with her children and they seemed carefree and happy. Even Wade, who seemed so preoccupied these days, had emerged from his shell and was beginning to open up.

They had stayed at the hotel for some time now, and Scarlett had befriended most of the hotel staff. She knew the doorman, the man behind the front desk, the waiters, and even some of the cooks. They were all very fond of her, and she grew to know them quite personally, often asking about their families and the like, but no one knew anything about her. In fact she was something of a mystery. She became known as the "lady in black," who had a tragic past. She wore a wedding ring, but many debated whether or not she was a still married.

She found that the more time passed, the more normal she felt. Everything seemed to be going well. Nothing here reminded her of her previous life and the less she thought of Rhett, the better. However, the night-mares still persisted. Not every night but at least once a week, the same terrifying dream, running through the mist and calling out his name, and he just beyond reach. She still woke herself with her own screams and lay in bed trembling in a cold sweat until she finally fell back asleep. This was the one thing that did not change over time. She hoped and prayed that one day the dreams would eventually fade and become blurred, however they merely became more vivd and felt more real. She felt lost in the fog, and she could smell the damp air. Ocassionally she would hear his voice, and this would make her run harder, waving her hands frantically, trying to clear the fog, but she never saw him. She only heard his voice.

One day as she was sitting in the garden, reading a book, she overheard two ladies talking. "No one knows where she came from, or who she is. It's quite the scandal."

"She is dressed in mourning attire and yet she still wears a wedding ring. Do you suppose she is divorced?"

"One can never tell. Times are changing and young people are doing the most peculiar things now a days. When I was young you would have never dreamed of divorce or traveling without an escort. A woman, traveling alone...That just screams ill-breeding."

She had heard enough and so she closed her book with a _snap_ and hastily made her exit out of the garden. However at lunch the next day, she over-heard yet another conversation, and whenever she entered a room she heard a flutter of whispers arise. She was not safe from gossip, not even here. Were people never satisfied unless they had someone to talk about?

After she had stayed at the hotel for three months, she decided that it was time to leave. The whispers had become too much, and Scarlett arranged for her things to be packed. She had written all the necessary letters, and by the end of the week they were on their way to _Terra_.

Sue-Ellen was not thrilled with the arrival of her sister, and Scarlett found herself soarly dissapointed, but not because of her sister's welcome. _Terra_, her beautiful home, her father's plantation, the place that had represented security and happiness for such a large portion of her life, was still in disrepair. The house was falling down, and the furnishings were so shabby it brought tears to Scarlett's eyes. The poor house had never recovered from the violation of the Yankees. Even the soil was hard and unyielding. It had suffered from years of abuse and it needed a rest. However, food needed to be produced because there were mouths to feed and there was neither time nor money to rejuvinate the land. Scarlett longed to take her money and restore the plantation to its former glory, but she knew that Sue-Ellen would never hear of it.

As they drove up to the house, Scarlett saw her sister and her sister's children standing on the porch waiting. The way her sister was dressed made Scarlett look like a queen, even in her mourning attire. Although Sue-Ellen's demeanor was cold, her embrace was warm, and Scarlett felt herself let her guard down. Maybe she had found someone who would understand. "It's good to see you, Scarlett," she said.

"Likewise, Sue. Thank you for letting us come stay on such short notice."

She merely shrugged her shoulders and replied, "You are welcome to stay for as long as you like, assuming that you pitch in when help is needed. We are glad to have company, and I know the children are eager for new play-mates."

When they had gone into the house, Sue-Ellen took Scarlett aside into the drawing room. "Scarlett," she began, "are you in trouble? Is everything all right?"

"Yes, I am fine. I just decided to take a little vacation, that's all."

Sue-Ellen did not look convinced, and her eyes narrowed as she appraised her sister. "Then why are you dressed in black?"

Scarlett did not reply immediately, and her eyes discoursed. Her sister's voice was soft when she replied, "Scarlett, Rhett came here not too long ago. He was looking for you, and although he did not say anything I deduced that you had been gone for quite some time."

Scarlett felt her heart leap into hear throat. Her eyes brimmed with tears at the mention of her husband's name. _Rhett was here?_ She thought to herself, and she looked around the room, as if searching for evidence of his presence. "What..." she began, "what did he say?"

"He said that he was in the area for business, and he thought he would stop by and pay his respects. He knew that you did not write to me that often and he thought that it was only proper for him to ask after our welfare. He never said anything directly, but I gathered from his demeanor and the way he carefully picked his words that something was not quite right. It wasn't until later in the conversation that he asked if I had heard from you recently. When I said no, he looked disheartened, and said that he had to leave because he had forgotten about an important appointment. Scarlett?"

But Scarlett had stopped listening the moment she heard he had asked after her. _So he is looking for me! Oh, I knew it! He does still care for me! _


	9. Nightmares

"Scarlett?" her sister asked once more, her gaze skeptical and searching.

"Did Rhett say where he was going?" Scarlett finally asked.

"No, but he left in quite a hurry, and even if he did have an appointment he should have stayed for dinner, not that we could have spared any, but it would have been polite."

Scarlett put on her well rehearsed smile and forced a carefree tone. "Oh, Rhett is so busy these days. He is always dashing off on some important business trip. I swear, that man knows more people and is more busy than anyone I have ever met. If he is not careful he will work himself to death."

Sue-Ellen raised an eyebrow. She knew that tone all too well, and she saw right through the act that Scarlett had worked so hard to perfect. "Scarlett," she began, her tone suddenly gentle. Slowly she reached out her hand and placed it on Scarlett's arm. "Is everything all right between you and Rhett? I know it is impolite of me to ask anything of the sort for it is not my business, but you are my sister, and, despite what you might think, I care for your wellfare. I know our relationship has not been the healthiest in the past, but I am willing now to put that behind us. Times are hard, and you and Careen are the only family I have."

For a moment, Scarlett's carefully pieced together facade wavered, but she quickly found her resolution and lied, "Everything is fine, Sue. I just needed a change in atmosphere, that's all." She smiled sweetly, but once again, Sue-Ellen was not fooled. She knew that Scarlett was not telling her the truth.

Sue-Ellen stood and gazed down at her sister. "Very well. Dinner will be ready in an hour. You should gather the children and have them wash up. We go to bed in this house at an early hour, because there are chores to be done before dawn. Do not expect a free stay. You too will be helping us with the everyday tasks." And with that she turned on her heel and left.

The first night at Tara was strange, and Scarlett did not get much rest. She was once again sleeping in the bedroom of her childhood, but it was not the same, happy place that she once remembered. The cheery bedcovers had been taken by the Yankees, as well as the drapings and all of the elegant furniture. Her four poster bed was now a meagar, square ensemble that creaked unpleasantly, and the once soft, deep matress made of goose feathers had been replaced with a rough, lumpy one of straw and chicken feathers.

She tossed and turned uneasily as dreams and visions from her past floated in and out of her mind. She saw _Tara_ as it once was, glimmering white and surrounded with lush fields of cotton. The Oak trees towered above it, and she even heard the low, comforting sound of the slaves singing "Go Down Moses" out in the pasture as they worked. She saw Ashley galloping up the drive on his tall, proud stead, his face beaming with youth and exuberance. His smile was kind and yet mischievious in a way, and Scarlett, young and glorious, felt her heart flutter and a lightness spread through her body. She hurried down to meet him and casually laid an ungloved hand on his thigh as she gazed up at him. "Oh, Ashley," she heard herself saying, "you are back! How I have missed you so! It was so unthoughtful of you to leave and stay away so long. You must never do it again. It was dreadful."

His eyes were gentle, and they sparkled with amusement. "I am sorry to hear that my absence was the cause of such distress. Although I can make no promises, I shall certainly try my best not to repeat such an extended leave of absence." Ashley swung himself down from his horse, and he gripped Scarlett's fore-arms. For a moment she thought for sure he was going to kiss her, and her heart began to beat violently and her breath quickened, but instead he pulled her into his embrace, and Scarlett contented herself with lying against his chest.

Her memory blurred, and suddenly she was at the Twelve Oaks barbecue, surrounded by people who she had not seen in years or who were now dead. She saw the Tarlton twins, and heard them calling, "Scarlett, honey. Sugar, aren't you going to eat barbecue with us today?" She saw Melanie, latched on to Ashley's arm, and she felt the appalling feelings of jealousy and hatred rise within her, and so she tore her eyes from them with much difficulty.

And then he was there, standing before her, his eyes intense with unabashed desire, his smile roguish and dashing. He was casually leaning on the banister, and Scarlett felt things she had never felt before. She was suddenly warm all over, and his eyes were so intense that she could not catch her breath. Her heart began to beat irregularly, and she felt drawn to him. But the memory became a dream, and Scarlett found herself running towards him, but her dress was cumbersome, and she began to trip. She tried to gather her abundant skirts in her hands, but they were heavier than lead, and she struggled to reach Rhett. She reached out her hands, screaming his name frantically, but his smile vanished, and his stare became blank as he floated, still facing her, out the door. The great, double doors slammed in her face, but she still screamed his name.

Scarlett awoke uttering a silent scream, and her breath came in gasps. The night was warm and she was covered in sweat, and she felt like she was suffocating beneath the heavy covers and her long nightdress. Shoving the covers off of her, she climbed out of bed and removed her night dress. When she climbed back into bed, the sheets were cool and strangely comforting against her skin, and she nestled down into them, hoping to fall into a dreamless sleep.

But as soon as she closed her eyes, she was at _Tara_. However, it was not the _Tara_ of her previous dream but the _Tara_ after it had been raided and violated by the Yankees. In this dream there were no tangible scenes. Instead they all blurred together into one mass of swirling agony and suffering. She was constantly hungry, her stomach walls pressing together, begging her for sustinence. She saw the worn, long, and worried faces of her family, just as hungry as she. She saw Wade in the corner, curled in a ball, wailing and crying at the top of his lungs. And then she saw Mammy, dear sweet Mammy with her comforting round face, her cheeks still rosy and flushed, but her eyes were dim with fatigue and hunger. She was still plump as ever, but her cheeks were hollow, and there were dark circles under her eyes.

Suddenly Scarlett was in the cotton field, picking cotton, her hands bleeding, turning the white cotton into a subtle shade of pink. She was slapping Sue-Ellen for slandering her mother and father. She was trying desperately the quench the billowing fire in the kitchen. She saw her mother, her face green and hollow with death. She saw her father, going through his box of bonds and rambling on about "Speaking with Mrs. O'hara." And then she saw her father falling off his horse as he galloped after Mr. Wilkenson, breaking his neck with his fall.

Once again she awoke, but this time she screamed aloud. Quickly she stiffled it in her pillow, and hot tears streamed down her face. When she was sure the terror had passed, she removed the pillow from her face, and she began to breath deeply from the stale air that was trapped in her room. She attempted to find a comfortable position, but this time she did not close her eyes again. Instead she stared out the window at the stars in the sky, willing herself not to fall asleep so she would not have to be tormented by more visions of the past wich she regarded as nightmares.

The next morning Scarlett was groggy and extremely tired, but she was fully dressed and prepared for the day when Sue-Ellen came to wake her just before dawn. She had managed not to fall asleep, and although she was tired, she was grateful that she did not have to suffer through any more unwanted memories.

They all helped with the chores: gathering eggs from the hen house, milking the cows, feeding the animals fresh hay, laying out the tools that would be used for that day's work, and preparing breakfast. After the morning chores had been completed, they all sat down for breakfast, just shortly after the sun had risen. They had fresh eggs, biscuits, and sausage, but no potatoes because those would be needed for supper.

All day they did chores. Scarlett helped Sue-Ellen with the endless pile of mending; Ella was content to run back and forth, happy to fetch anything that anyone might possibly need; and Wade was thrilled to help Will with the plowing and the cotton picking. The days passed, and Sue-Ellen said little, and Scarlett said even less. Scarlett knew they had to hear her screams at night, but nobody ever commented on this, and she was grateful. Her once idle hands were now filled with activities to do, and she did not mind that her hands, finally recovered from the years of abuse, were beginning to become rough again. It meant that she was keeping herself busy, occupying her mind so that she did not have to think of Rhett.

Wade grew to love working with Will. He was the second one up every morning (Scarlett was the first), and from dawn to dusk he did not leave Will's side. He found great joy in using his hands and helping provide for the family.

One evening, Scarlett was in the kitchen with Sue-Ellen helping her prepare dinner. It had been three weeks since they had been at Tara, and everyone had developed a sort of routine. The kitchen was quiet except for the sound of boiling water and the popping of chicken being fried in a skillet. Finally Sue-Ellen's voice broke the silence. "You look tired, Scarlett. Are you getting enough sleep, or are these early mornings beginning to get the best of you?"

Scarlett knew it was a trap. Sue-Ellen had to hear her screams at night because her bedroom was right across the hall. Maybe it was her lack of sleep, or maybe she finally lost her will to continue with the act, but Scarlett decided to tell the truth and tell her sister what she wanted to hear. "I don't sleep well. I am sure you know this. In fact it would be impossible not to be aware of this."

Sue-Ellen remained silent, waiting for Scarlett to continue. "I have nightmares. They did not used to be of such a violent nature, but they have worsened since I have come here. I hate that this place should harbor such ill memories, but when it has seen days as dark as these, it is hard to remember the bright ones." Scarlett turned the chicken in the frying pan, and Sue-Ellen stirred the potatoes that were boiling in the water. They were almost soft enough to be mashed.

"Scarlett," she began, "I know there is more troubling you than just nightmares. I too have terrible memories of this place, but it is not such a cause of distress for me. I like your being here. Your presence and the presence of your children has been a tremendous help, but I must ask, once again, why are you here?"

Scarlett continued to fuss at the chicken in the frying pan, poking and prodding it uneccessarily. Kindly Sue-Ellen laid her hand in Scarlett's, and said, "You are mutilating that poor chicken. Why don't you give it a rest."

And though these words had no particular value, Scarlett felt her barriers come crashing down, and her tears finally spilt over. Her sister helped her to the meager table and chairs in the corner, and they sat down. Scarlett held her head in her hands, and her sister just let her weep, patiently waiting for the storm to pass. When her tears had somewhat abated, Sue-Ellen asked, "Scarlett, what is troubling you so deeply that you cannot even find peace in your sleep? No one screams like that because of a silly nightmare. It must be something horrific indeed."

"Oh, Sue, I am afraid. I am afraid that my marriage to Rhett is over. He doesn't love me anymore. He told me that he only comes home to keep the gossip down and to keep my reputation from becoming more tarnished than it already is. And I can't stand Atlanta. Everyone is always talking about me behind my back, and everyone hates me. I am not accepted in society, and I think that in a strange way everyone blames me for Melanie's death and Ashley's unhappiness. And I...I love Rhett so much. I know that now. I know that now that there is no possible way that he could ever love me. I know it now that it is too late, and I fear I have lost him forever.

"I couldn't stay another minute in that terrible house. All it did was remind me of Bonnie and Rhett, and if I couldn't have either, I wanted to leave. So first I went to Virginia, and I stayed at a hotel for three months."

"Scarlett, you didn't!" Sue-Ellen interjected.

She nodded sadly and gulped, "Yes, I did, and I know it was scandalous, but I was just so desperate to get away and have a fresh start. But that isn't the half of it. While I was there, a young man fell in love with me, and he even asked me to marry him. Of course I refused, and as the days passed, I began to feel more happy. But even there people began to talk about me, so I came here, having no other place to go. It was the first place that I thought of, because I remember so many days spent in happiness and security. But it only brought back memories of war, hunger, and death.

"I need purpose, Sue. I need something that I can occupy myself with. Something that I can devote immeasurable time and money to. I don't think it is possible to be reconciled with Rhett, but I wouldn't dream of a divorce. Besides, I shall never marry again, and if I can't have Rhett, then I need something that I can devote my life to." Here she paused, and she looked her sister straight in the eyes. "Sue, I want to make _Tara_ the way it used to be. I want to restore it to its formal glory and chase away the bad memories so we can create new, happy ones. Would you let me do that much? I have no where else to go, and I love _Tara_, despite all the pain it reminds me of. Ma and Pa poured their souls into this place, and it kills me to see it this way."

Sue-Ellen stared at her sister for a moment, and Scarlett could not determine the emotions in her eyes for quite some time. She took a deep breath and finally replied, "Scarlett, first let me say how troubled I am that you have and are going through such an ordeal. I am truly sorry for all the things you have had to experience, and while I can understand why you hate Atlanta, I still think it was wrong of you to leave. If anything you have just given them more cause to gossip."

"Then let them talk! I don't care about them anymore! I never want to see them again. Oh, Sue, don't you see? I want to start a new life at a new place. I want a second chance to make things right, and as long as I stay in Atlanta, I will never get that chance."

Sue-Ellen was silent once again, but she stood and said, "Alright, Scarlett. I will give you your second chance. I give you permission to have your way with _Tara_ with one exception. You must consult me or Will regarding any and all changes that you plan to make, and I won't have you making everything all new-fangled and fancy. I want things simple, like they were when Ma and Pa were alive."

Moved with gratitude, Scarlett embraced her sister, whispering, "Thank you, Sue. You have no idea how much this means to me."

Slightly embarrassed, Sue-Ellen gently shoved Scarlett away, cleared her throat, and went over to the stove where she began taking the chicken out of the skillet.


	10. The Party

_Author's note: I am not completely satisfied with this chapter, particularly the end, so if any one has any comments or suggestions I would love to hear from you. Should there be more, should there be less? Is it too sudden? Thanks and enjoy!_

And so the days passed, and Scarlett was granted the desire of her heart. First she accessed her acount in Atlanta and drew out a large sum of money, and after many hours spent talking with Will and Sue-Ellen, they decided to start from the outside and work inward. They agreed to let Scarlett hire on some free darkies, and in addition to being payed, the workers were also offered housing. Will, the workers, and Wade began with the fields, restoring the soil and planting more crops, mostly cotton but others as well. By the spring, the fields were white and green, and the sound of the darkies' singing could be heard all the way into the house.

While the men worked on the outside, Scarlett, Sue-Ellen, and Ella worked on the inside. Scarlett and Sue-Ellen had gone up into the attic one day to look for their mother's sewing box and any left over fabrics. As Sue looked for the sewing box, Scarlett saw a mass of fabric over in the corner. Picking it up, she stifled a cry of anguish, but sobs caught in her throat, and her tears spitlt over. "Scarlett, whatever is the matter? Are you alright?" Sue-Ellen glanced at the lush green fabric that Scarlett held in her hands and realized that it was the dress that Scarlett had made out of their mother's curtains, the very same dress that she wore to Atlanta when she had asked Rhett for money. Scarlett had collapsed on the dusty floor, and her tears continued to fall in an unabated torrent.

"Oh, Sue! I am so sorry! Why was I so terrible? What did you ever do to me that I would do such a terrible thing to you? He was your beau, and I killed him!"

"No, Scarletter, you-"

"Yes, I did. I killed him! I never loved him. I only married him because we needed money, and I saw that he was doing so well with his store, so I...I don't know. It's like I wasn't thinking at all. The words just kept coming out of my mouth, and before I realized what I had done, we were married.

"And I was so angry at Rhett for not giving me the money. I was angry that my charms that had worked on every other man in the county were lost on him; so I responded by doing something foolish. Perhaps I wanted to make him jealous by getting another man to help me. Either way, I was stupid, and I am so sorry! I wish I could take it all back. I could have been nicer to him. He was only kind and gentle with me, but I treated him terribly. Oh, why am I such a hateful person?"

Sue-Ellen was quiet for a long while as she continued to stare at her sister. Scarlett was afraid to meet her sister's eyes, afraid of what she might find there, but at length she lifted her eyes from the green dress and met her sister's. "Scarlett," she finally said, "we all make mistakes, and although you hurt me beyond repair, I have forgiven you for it. While I did love Frank, I think I was more upset by the fact that he did not fight for me. He just took your words and believed them without investigating himself. So in a way, he chose you over me, and I was slighted. Yes, I was angry at you for telling him such lies, but I was more angry that he did not come to _Tara_ himself to see if your words were true. This tells me something about Frank's character, and now, in many ways, I am glad that I did not marry him. And although I know you feel terrible, remember that it is because of Frank that you have Ella. That little girls loves you, and I know she means more to you than perhaps you realzie. So you see, something good can always come out of disaster."

Scarlett could not bring herself to respond, and she continued to stare at the green dress, twisting and pulling it in her hands. Finally Sue-Ellen reached out her hand and placed them on top of Scarlett's. "Scarlett, it's in the past. As Pa would say, 'let bygones be bygones.'"

Slowly she lifted her eyes. "Truly?"

Her sister nodded.

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All winter they were hard at work making curtains, recovering furniture, hanging pictures, and purchasing countless new items to make the place feel warm and lived in. The men repainted the outside of the house, and by the beginning of the summer, _Tara _had been restored to its formal glory. She was magnificent again, impressive and towering above the land, casting its long sheltering shadow over their lives.

One evening, they were all sitting in the parlor. Scarlett and Sue-Ellen were mending, Ella was playing with her dolls, Wade was tinkering with something, and Will was peacefully smoking his pipe, a thoughtful expression on his face. Suddenly, Scarlett's face lit up, and her voice pierced the silence. "Oh, Sue, I have a wonderful idea!"

Sue-Ellen, extremely tired from the day's work, didn't even glance up from her sewing. "Yes, Scarlett?"

In her excitement, Scarlett stood and crossed the room. "Oh Sue, couldn't we have a dance like we used to when Ma and Pa were alive? Just a small one that we could invite the surrounding families to. It could be like a christening or a rebirth for _Tara_."

Sue-Ellen sighed, dropped her sewing in her lap, and took off her spectacles. "That sounds wonderful Scarlett, but truth be told, there are not many families left, and those that remain are a mere shadow of what they once were."

"Well, we could extend the invitation into the the next county, and we could offer housing to those families who would have to stay the night. Oh please, Sue, let me have my fun, and I know once we get started, you will too."

The room was silent. Ella and Wade continued to amuse themselves with their little trinkets, pretending to be oblivious to the conversation that was occuring, Will was still quietly smoking his pipe, and an exasperated Sue-Ellen gazed with pleading eyes upon him. "If Will says its alright then you may have your ball, Scarlett."

Suddenly, all eyes in the room were on his slim form, and slowly he lowered the pipe from his mouth, scratched his whiskered chin, and puffed out his lips. "I suppose it would be alright," he said in his southern drawl.

Unable to contain her excitement, Scarlett rushed to his side and flung her arms about him. "Oh, thank you Will, thank you, Sue! You won't be sorry. This is going to be the biggest ball that this county has seen in the last five years!"

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From that evening, until the day of the ball, the house was alive. Sue-Ellen didn't believe that the house could possibly get any cleaner, but Scarlett cracked the whip until even the walls were sparkling. Festive boughs of flowers and decorative greenery were strung up and down the halls and in the lower rooms. Furniture was moved around to make way for a dance floor, invitations were sent out, and a menu had been prepared. Two days before the event, Scarlett, Sue-Ellen, and a new hired helper began to cook and bake. It was to be a feast the likes of which no one had seen in quite a while, and there would be plenty to go around.

The women began to work on new gowns, finally having the luxury to perchase material, but Scarlett absolutely refused to wear anything other than black. "But Scarlett, it just isn't proper. In fact it is rude and suggests ill breeding!" Sue-Ellen complained. But Scarlet was determined. This was the sacrifice she had chosen to make. She had vowed to wear black until she was reconciled with her husband. _Let people think what they will. This has nothing to do with them. _Sue-Ellen, seeing that the fight was pointless, finally gave up.

The day of the gathering arrived, and Scarlett was beside herself with excitement. She fluttered like a butterfly from room to room, making sure that everything was in order and ready to receive their long expected guests.

Noon came and went, and Scarlett began to worry that no one would come and that all her efforts were in vain. But around two o'clock that afternoon, they had their first arrival, and from then on until well into the evening, the guests continued to pour in. The once quiet rooms were now loud and boisterous, filled with people laughing, dancing, and catching up on gossip. Who was married? How were crops? Was it lonely in the country? How long did it take you to restore the plantation?

Scarlett's eyes danced, her heart was light, and a constant smile lit her features. She was happy again, and she was in her element. This is what she was born to do. She tapped her feet merrily to the rhythm and gladly assented when she was asked to dance. She felt as if she would never grow tired, and she continued to dance and dance, even daring to ask others to dance with her instead of waiting to be invited. At long last she was weary, and she excused herself from the company to drink some punch to quench her thirst.

Still laughing gaily, she began to ladle the red liquid into her crystal cup. Suddenly, she felt eyes on her, and her head snapped up. Their eyes collided, the breath was knocked from her lungs, and Scarlett spilled red punch all down the front of her new dress. But she was oblivious. Rhett was there, staring at her, his eyes boring holes into her soul, making her knees weak with desire. He began to move toward her, and Scarlett thought that she would swoon. Casually he took the cup from her hand and began to ladle the punch himself. "You seem to be having some trouble keeping a steady hand. Allow me to assist you, Mrs. Butler."

She felt a tingling sensation make its way up and down her spine at the sound of her title as his wife. She still could not find her voice to respond, and so he continued. "You have planned a very nice gathering, Scarlett. I congratulate you on your success. And _Tara_ looks amazing as well. You certainly have been busy."

Finally, she found her voice, desperate to say the words that she had been planning to say to him, but she decided on a polite, "Thank you, and yes, being busy helps."

He raised his eyebrow, and his mocking smile that she knew so well flashed across his face. "Helps what?"

"It keeps my mind off of less welcome thoughts and memories."

He winced, and Scarlett immediately regretted her words. "I didn't mean it that way," she quickly ammended. "I meant-"

"There's no need to explain, Scarlett. What was once between us is better left in the past, where it belongs. However, you are a hard one to find when you don't want to be found."

A deep blush crept its way across her face, and her eyes discoursed from his. She opened her mouth to speak, but suddenly her eyes flashed about the room, realizing that there was no privacy, even among old friends. Her eyes pleaded his, desperately hoping that he would have to tact to suggest a more private place in which to talk. Rhett hid a smile. "Perhaps we should take this conversation else where?" And extending his arm, he led her to the porch.

The night was cool for the summer, and a gentle breeze ruffled her hair and the hem of her dress. She obliged his gesture and took a seat in a rocking chair. He followed her example. "Why did you leave, Scarlett? Whatever came over you? You left no indication, whether spoken or written, as to where you were going. Something could have happened to you, and nobody would have ever known! Do you realize how foolish that was?"

He was becoming angry, but she didn't care. All she could concentrate on was the sheer amount of worry and concern in his tone. "I wanted it to be that way. I wanted to disappear off the face of the earth, seperate myself from anyone who knew me so that I could have the opportunity to start anew, begin a new life where nobody could judge me because of past behavior. I couldn't stand it anymore: their judgemental stares, the flury of whispers that arose everytime I merely walked into a room! There is only so much a person can withstand, and I did not want our children to be exposed to that kind of lifestyle. It would only teach them to be vengeful and unkind."

"Our children?"

She continued on. "I wanted to be away from the things, places, and people that reminded me of sadder times, and if that meant leaving the house on Peach Tree street then so be it. There is only one thing that could have held me to that house."

She knew that he understood what she was implying, and so she waited, eager for his reply. The seconds ticked by, and still he did not respond. His face was unreadable, and frustrated, she stood and crossed the porch to the banister, gripping it for support. Finally, she heard him stand and approach her. She felt his warm breath stir the tendrils of hair on the nape of her neck, and she shivered, when he whispered her name. "Scarlett."

But she couldn't wait for his response any longer. Spinning around, she took his hands into her own. "Oh, Rhett, I am so sorry! I am sorry for everything that I have ever said or done to hurt you. I regret every minute of my life that I wasted by insulting you or not appreciating your company. I have spent every day since you left after Melanie's death thinking of how to win you back, to show you that I have never wanted anything more in my whole entire life than to have you by my side. And even now, as I pour my heart out to you, making myself completely bare, I fear being rejected. But it seems such a small thing. Just tell me if you will have me, and if not, I will leave you alone, disappear and never trouble you again, and you will be free to forget me, to forget that I even exsisted."

Her eyes were once again alive with the fire that he knew so well, but there was also desperation in her stare. Carefully, he freed his hands from her grasp, and Scarlett felt her heart sink, and she saw her world reel before her eyes. He was going to walk away, even after her desperate plea. Her confession was in vain, and after everything, he was once again going to abandon her. Her face fell, and she found that she no longer had the will to stare into his eyes, afraid of what she would find there.

But then, like a butterfly landing on her skin, she felt his hand caress her cheek, her neck, and then her hair while his other arm wrapped itself around her waist, pulling her closer. She was crushed as he pulled her into his strong, comforting embrace, and she closed her eyes. And then she felt his chest heave, and his shoulders wilt. "It is I who need to ask forgiveness, Scarlett. If only I could have let go of my pride. I wanted to love you, but because you were so strong, I felt that I had to be harsh, more stern in order to place myself above you. I could not abide the thought of humbling myself before you. I was afraid that what little chance I had of you loving me would be lost, if I changed the way I was.

"And I am sorry about Bonnie. It was my fault that she died. I spoiled her and pampered her, thinking that if I did not have your favor I could at least have her unconditional adoration. I wanted to win her over, and I pretended that she was you as a little girl, reasoning to myself in some twisted way that if she loved me then you would too. But I seem to ruin everything I touch. It is like I am diseased. First Bonnie, then Mellie, and finally our marraige. Maybe I am a monster that is incapable of love. I want to try, but everytime I do, I fail."

She could not control the sobs that rose in her throat, and she cried aloud, uncaring of the listening ears that were within the house. But the music played on, and she could only hope that the party was oblivious to the scene that was outside their window. Scarlett pulled away, unable to stand it any longer, and she brushed the tears from his face, cradling his cheek in her hand. He looked at her, and his eyes were full of anguish and sorrow. They were empty, a reflection of her own heart, and in one swift movement, she was pulled up against him, her lips covered by his.

Her feet weren't even touching the floor, and a new wave a tears coursed down her face, but these were tears of joy, and she wound her fingers into his thick black hair as the kiss gained life with every passing second. It seemed that time had stopped and that they were the only two people in the world, that even the stars were rejoicing at their union. When they finally pulled away, they were breathless, but they still continued to cling to one another. Looping their arms about each others' waists, the made their way to the door. "So," he began playfully, a smile in his voice, "who died?" He brushed his hand across the black ruffles that lined the neck of her gown.

She sighed and laid her head against his chest. "I guess myself really. When you left, a part of me died, the childish part of me that desired pretty things and extravagent dresses. It no longer seemed to matter, now that you weren't a part of it. It was an outward symbol of my inward contrition, a way for me to show others, and myself, that I was truly sorry for the things that I had done and that I was desperately trying to mend my ways."

"Well, the first thing I am going to do is buy you a new frock. The time for mourning is over." And together, they walked back into the house.


End file.
